Economatix - Life through the lens of the Capital Markets

From the monthly archives:

July 2007

Al Gore is a fat bastard

by dionysus on 2007/07/29

algore.jpgOK dudes, I’ve heard the word, and seen the writing on the wall. They’re saying I have gotten way too serious.

Well, the good news is that it ‘aint so. Really, the old funny bone is still fully operational. So Emma W. of Wichita Falls, TX you really really are wrong, and so is Jake S from International Falls MN.

Anyway, we’re getting off the topic here. I can hear the muttering already; “what topic? this fucking guy never has a topic, he just wanders around until he finds something to whack with a literary shovel” OK, that’s partly true, I admit it. Anyway, not to be a complete dick about it, the topic of this post is in the subject line. You are hip to what’s happening out there in the world. right? OK [sigh] You’re not. So in terms a seventeen year old could understand I’ll spell it out for you.

“An Inconvenient Truth” is a documentary produced by Al Gore and directed by the mildly talented Davis Guggenheim. What I fail to understand is why Guggenheim would choose to shoot himself in a painful place career-wise, by directing this piece of work. Perhaps the inevitable political label that’s gonna get pinned to his ass for life doesn’t matter to him. Great, for his sake, I hope it doesn’t matter!

I detest pseudo science with a passion, and that’s what this documentary is full of. I don’t debate an apparent reality that the earth is – or seems to be – in a warming phase. Whether it’s permanent or temporary I have no fucking clue and I doubt whether anyone on this planet has either. I see the logic of decreasing emissions of CO2 and other gases into the atmosphere, but more from a common sense perspective, than from the standpoint of some whacko tree hugging environmentalist radical viewpoint.

[Update: Apparently, dear readers, your intrepid scribe is prescient, because a British High Court Judge feels the same way some 2 months and 12 days after this post was written

The inconvenient truth of this documentary is that it clearly has a political agenda. It has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with global warming per se and everything to do with getting the extremist agenda firmly embedded back into Democratic party politics. It’s unfortunate that this guy, and the entire likeminded wing of the party, can’t see that getting a Democrat into the White House is 2008 has got nothing to do with whether or not the candidate wholeheartedly believes that emissions of methane by cows (etc) is fucking up life on this planet. By that yardstick I should quit eating goat curry and drinking beer because it makes me fart like a motherfucker.

The inconvenient truth is that Al Gore is a fat bastard.

Peace and Love y’all.

gore.JPGal_with_beard.jpgfat_al.jpgfat_al3.jpgfat_al2.jpg

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The 21 gun salute, origins and methods.

by dionysus on 2007/07/29

A close friend asked me about the significance of the 21 gun salute. “Why is it 21 rounds”? he asked. My thanks to him for the question. Although in general I was aware of the reason, inevitably over time some dates and specific events had been completely forgotten. Some reading and research refreshed my mind. For him therefore, and for all others who may be curious about this solemn ritual, here is the background and explanation.

In this article, the general term “gun” will be employed, although “cannon” is actually meant, except for those occasions (for example at a funeral) where rifles are specifically used. The word “gun” has now superseded “cannon” in common parlance. I have used it here as a general term for all pyrotechnic projectile weapons for convenience. In military use, it is not applied to personal weapons (“This is my rifle, this is my gun …”), but mainly for rifled cannon, and for machine guns.

See the end of the article for Origin of terms & Credits and Thanks for source material.

The practice itself of saluting can be traced back to the Middle Ages. The act of placing oneself in an unarmed position, and therefore in the power of those being honored. This may be noted in the dropping of the point of the sword, presenting arms, lowering sails, manning the yards, removing the headdress, or laying on oars. Apparently this custom was universal, with the specific act varying with time and place, depending on the weapons being used. A North African tribe, for example, trailed the points of their spears on the ground to indicate that they did not mean to be hostile.

The use of gun salutes for military occasions is traced to early warriors who demonstrated their peaceful intentions by placing their weapons in a position that rendered them ineffective. The tradition of rendering a salute by cannon originated in the 14th century as firearms and cannons came into use. Since these early devices contained only one projectile, discharging them once rendered them ineffective. A man ‘o war visiting a foreign port would discharge all its guns to demonstrate clearly that all guns on board were empty. Since the ship would not have enough time to reload before it was within range of shore batteries, it was clearly demonstrating its friendly intentions by going in to port with empty guns.

Originally warships fired seven-gun salutes. There are several theories as to the reason for this.

The number seven was probably selected because of its astrological and Biblical significance. Seven planets had been identified and the phases of the moon changed every seven days. The Bible states that God rested on the seventh day after Creation, that every seventh year was sabbatical and that the seven times seventh year ushered in the Jubilee year.

The British established the naval seven gun salute, because seven was the standard number of guns (cannons) on each side of the vessel. At that time, regulations stated that although a ship would fire only seven guns, shore batteries (having a greater supply of gunpowder) would fire three shots for each one shot afloat, hence the number 21 The multiple of three probably was chosen because of the mystical significance of the number three in many ancient civilizations. Early gunpowder, composed mainly of sodium nitrate, which degraded easily at sea, but could be kept cooler and drier in land magazines. When potassium nitrate improved the quality of gunpowder, ships at sea adopted the salute of 21 guns.

The 21-gun salute became the highest honor a nation rendered. Varying customs among the maritime powers led to confusion in saluting and return of salutes. Great Britain, the world’s preeminent seapower in the 18th and 19th centuries, compelled weaker nations to salute first, and for a time monarchies received more guns than did republics. Eventually, by agreement, the international salute was established at 21 guns, although the United States did not agree on this procedure until August 1875.

A myth common in the United States relative to this tradition, is that the year 1776 inspired the 21 gun salute due to the sum of the digits being 21 (i.e. 1+7+7+6). While an attractive theory, it is nonetheless untrue.

The gun salute system of the United States has changed considerably over the years. In 1810, the “national salute” was defined by the War Department as equal to the number of states in the Union – at that time 17. (This practice was partly a result of usage, because John Paul Jones saluted France with 13 guns at Quiberon Bay in 1778 when the Stars and Stripes received its first salute) This salute was fired by all U.S. military installations at 1:00 p.m. (later at noon) on Independence Day. The President also received a salute equal to the number of states whenever he visited a military installation.

In 1842, the Presidential salute was formally established at 21 guns. In 1890, regulations designated the “national salute” as 21 guns and redesignated the traditional Independence Day salute, the “Salute to the Union,” to be equal to the number of states, i.e. 50. Fifty guns are also fired on all military installations equipped to do, so at the close of the day of the funeral of a President, ex-President, or President-elect. More details on this tradition is provided in following paragraphs.

Today, a 21-gun salute is rendered on the arrival and departure of the President of the United States; it is fired in concordance with four ruffles and flourishes, which is immediately followed by Hail to the Chief – the actual gun salute begins with the first ruffle and flourish, and concludes after Hail to the Chief has ended. A 21-gun salute is also rendered to former U.S. Presidents, foreign Heads of State (or members of a reigning royal family), as well as to Presidents-elect. In such a ceremony, the national anthem of the visiting dignitary’s country is played, following the salute.

Each round in a gun salute is fired one at a time. The number of cannon used in a battery depends upon the intervals between each round fired. For example, a 3-gun battery has 2 of its guns firing, each at 5 second intervals between rounds, with 1 gun at the ready in case of a misfire; such a battery would be used at an Armed Forces Full Honors Funeral, or for an arrival ceremony of a dignitary at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery. A 4-gun battery has its first 3 guns firing rounds at 3 second intervals, with the 4th gun (again) at the ready in case of misfire.

The U.S. Army SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) for Gun salutes provides a 2-man gun crew (one loader, one gunner) for each cannon, as well as a 5-man ‘staff” of soldiers to give the fire commands. The staff includes an Officer in Charge, a watchman (who marks the intervals and signals each gun to fire), an assistant watchman (as a backup), a counter (who keeps track of the number of rounds fired and signals the last round to the Officer in Charge), and a Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge (who marches the battery into place as well as signals the backup cannon to fire in case another gun misfires).

Naval vessels now have saluting guns installed which are used solely for such purpose. The traditional timing chant, “If I wasn’t a sailor, I wouldn’t be here. Fire #1,” etc., has been replaced by stopwatch.

A U.S. Presidential death also involves 21-gun salutes and other military traditions. On the day after the death of the President, a former President or President-Elect unless this day falls on a Sunday or holiday, in which case the honor will be rendered the following day, the commanders of Army installations with the necessary personnel and material traditionally order that one gun be fired every half hour, beginning at reveille and ending at retreat.

On the day of burial, a 21-minute gun salute traditionally is fired starting at noon at all military installations with the necessary personnel and material. Guns will be fired at one-minute intervals. Also on the day of burial, those installations will fire a 50-gun salute, one round for each state, at five-second intervals immediately following lowering of the flag.

The 19 Gun Salute

Yes, this also exists. In the United States 19 gun salutes are reserved for vice heads of state, chiefs of staff, cabinet members, and a general of 5 star rank. In the United Kingdom, 19 gun salutes are used for field marshals and equivalents (e.g admirals of the fleet, and air marshals), ambassadors, and heads of government (e.g the Prime Minister).

Origin of terms

Cannon

The name cannon comes from the essential part, the cylindrical bore or barrel, probably through the Latin canna, for a reed, with the Italian augmentative suffix -one, making cannone, and joining the vernacular in the 14th century. Indeed, the earliest Chinese and Arabic firearms used bamboo tubes, cannae, as barrels, and shot arrows. The word canon was used in Latin for a gun (1326 in Italy, 1418 in England), but this is just a Latinized cannone, assimilated to an existing Latin word. Curiously, the word for the military authorities supplying cannons and gunpowder, ordnance, comes from ordinance, which is the real meaning of canon. canale is recorded in 1461 for a gun, referring to the barrel. Bombardum was used for cannon and cannonball as early as 1430, and bombator is known from 1456 for a gunner, or or bombardiator from 1547. These come from the earlier word for a heavy siege catapult. Gunna and gonna are known from as early as 1370 for a gunner or gun, especially in England, and is variously assumed to derive from Gunnhilde (a woman’s name commonly given to a cannon), mangonel (the ballista) or engine. Since an early form of the English word “gun” is “gonne,” the source is probably mangonel, a military engine for throwing stones. In German, the term “buchse” comes from the Greek puxis, “box,” and it the source of the “buss” in words like arquebus and blunderbuss (“Donderbuschse”).

“Ruffles and Flourishes”

Ruffles and flourishes are preceding fanfare for ceremonial music for distinguished people such as heads of state, reigning monarchs and high ranking military officers.

Ruffles are played on drums, and flourishes are played on bugles. For example, the President of the United States receives four ruffles and flourishes before “Hail to the Chief”. Four ruffles and flourishes is the highest honor.

Although roughly equivalent, the United States Navy has a different “Table of Honors” – some civilian officials more, others less; often different musical tunes – and includes in its arsenal of formal Honors one more, which is specific to naval traditions: “Sideboys”, an even number of seamen (in this list 8 for guests with quadruple or triple ruffles and flourishes, 6 for lower ranking dignitaries) posted at the gangway when the dignitary boards or leaves the ship, historically to help (or even hoist) him aboard, presently as a ceremonial sort of guard of honor.

Credits and Thanks

I am indebted to the following sources for factual material quoted in this article: (listed alphabetically)

Arlington National Cemetery

Army Study Guide “Soldiers helping Soldiers”

The United States Army Center of Military History

The United States Military Academy at West Point

The United States Naval Academy at Annapolis

Virginia Military Institute


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The ART of the graceful insult

by dionysus on 2007/07/28

If you intend to insult someone, at least do it with style, flair and elegance……

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.”
-Louis Nizer

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
-Clarence Darrow

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
-Winston Churchill

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
-Stephen Bishop

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
-Winston Churchill

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
-Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
-Moses Hadas

“His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.”
-Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
-Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
-Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
- Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
-Jack E. Leonard

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
-Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
-Groucho Marx

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
-Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
-Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”
-James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
-Charles, Count Talleyrand

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
-Mark Twain

“A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.”
-Mark Twain

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
-Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
-Mae West

“She is a peacock in everything but beauty.”
-Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
-Oscar Wilde

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
-Oscar Wilde

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
-Billy Wilder

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

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Long Island ~ and why we do(n't) miss it

by dionysus on 2007/07/28

This is reprinted with kind permission of the New York Nerd

LONG ISLAND
You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there. When you’re away from Long Island, you love it and when you’re there, you don’t. You think if you’re not from Long Island or NYC, you’re not really from New York. You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition. You don’t go to Manhattan, you go to “The City”. You never realize you have an accent till you leave. Everything north of the Bronx is “upstate.” New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you’ve gone clamming. Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city. You’d pay $11.50 for a movie. You don’t live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island. You know where the Commack Motor Inn is. Your distant future might involve the state of Florida. You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkonma, Happauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, Massapequa. You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11’s You never, ever want to “change at Jamaica…” You’ve tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don’t want mustard on that burger!! You can’t understand why a diner would ever close. You’ve had a seagull crap on your car. You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville. You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13. You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically “Get the Crave”.

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan. You think that somehow, the Jets and Giants still play in New York. You’ve missed that “Drunk Train”, the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30. You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League. Quick! Who’s your county Executive? Don’t know do you?! You’ve never taken an MTA bus. The Long Island Expressway isn’t really as bad as everybody thinks. You don’t associate Fire Island with gay men. You know which parts of the Godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You’ve paid a $10 cover charge to get into a bar, but got nothing for it. You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers. You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up. Billy Joel said it best, “either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore”. You don’t really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn. When people ask “where are you from?” you answer Long Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York. You’ve always liked Billy Joel and you own several
of his “records.”

The Belt Parkway sucks! You’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving). Your parents took you to All American, Nathans or Carvel (on the way home from the beach). Regular gas – $2.69 and you still pay it!!! You hate paying tolls. You don’t have to go far to see your family. You remember Grumman. You’ve gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school. You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE! You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy’s and Arby’s closed for good.
You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma. Paying $35 for a haircut doesn’t sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are “da wunz dat tawk wit a accent.” You went sledding in the sumps. You’ve partied on a golf course in the middle of the night. You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare. You think going to Queens was a hike. The first time you heard the term “Long Island Iced Tea” you were somewhere else and you laughed When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights. When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you’ll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels. You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island. When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands…it becomes normal to you. No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

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The French

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

It isn’t as if we dislike them or anything, but….

“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.”

–General George S. Patton

——————————

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”

–General Norman Schwartzkopf

——————————

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.”

–Mark Twain

——————————

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.”

–Jacques Chirac, President of France

“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.”

–Rush Limbaugh

——————————

“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”

–Regis Philbin

——————————

“The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.”

–David Letterman

——————————

“They’ve taken their own precautions against al-Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.”

–Argus Hamilton

——————————

“Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day –the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once.’”

–Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

——————————

“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?”

–Dennis Miller

——————————

“It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.”

–Alan Kent

—————————–

“They’ve taken their own precautions against al-Qa’ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.”

–Argus Hamilton

——————————

“Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day –the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once.’”

–Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

—————————–

“The French will only agree to go to war when we’ve proven we’ve found truffles in Iraq ”

–Dennis Miller

——————————

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m’sieur?

—————————–

“Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It’s not known, it’s never been tried.”

–Rep. R. Blount, MO

——————————

“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.”

–John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

——————————

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

——————————

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

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Bird Flu – how to spot it

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu.
If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone’s windshield

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Always have your ID with you

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

I would recognize this woman anywhere, wouldn’t you? She has most distinctive features I thought.

burqa_drivers_license.jpg

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Support Dept Policy

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

This is specially for dignus & the crew over at ASML, in celebration of Sysadmin Day

helpdesk.jpg

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Poodles? No thanks

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

I’m sorry, this is so wrong…it’s wrong in every possible way a thing can be wrong

this_is_so_wrong.jpg

With kind thanks to Ninja Pants for the image.

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Sysadmin Day!

by dionysus on 2007/07/27

Happy Sysadmin day to all my fellow admins out there.

To all others who are not admins, don’t mess with us

drunk_sysadmins.JPG

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